


Over That and Into You

by HellaSkella



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Drug-Induced Sex, Gamzee is pretty much a twink, Humanstuck, M/M, Recreational Drug Use, Unrequited Love, top!Tav
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-10
Updated: 2014-09-16
Packaged: 2018-02-16 22:37:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2286965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HellaSkella/pseuds/HellaSkella
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Tavros Nitram makes a couple bad decisions and a couple interesting discoveries about himself and his best friend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

You’ve already beaten Crystal at least four times now, but at least it’s something to take your mind off of everything at the moment. The screen is a nice distractor from the couple featuring your middle school girlfriend (if you could even call Vriska that) sitting just a few lunch tables away from you blasting their PDAs so prominently you can almost smell it as pungently as you can smell the weed Gamzee has so obviously been smoking right before he got to school. You don’t actually want to listen to Gamzee today and his adventures with the school lunches because he forgot to pack himself a lunch again, but you’ve found he doesn’t actually mind it when you disappear into your Pokemon game and zone out for a while. The fact that you actually have someone sitting at your table with you is pretty much a blessing ever since you decided you would distance yourself from Vriska in the ninth grade and therefore had to stop sitting with your other role playing friends at lunchtime.

Your name is Tavros Nitram and you think you might need more friends.

More specifically you really wish you weren’t the only goddamn piece of ass in this school who wasn’t getting any action. Gamzee makes an “eugh,” sound next to you and then looks down at the tray in front of him that’s supposed to be holding food on it, but honestly you don’t know what that is. He shoots you this contorted look of disgust before actually shoveling another forkful of mystery stuff into his mouth before somehow swallowing it. Okay so maybe you aren’t the only one in the school but Gamzee is…Gamzee.

Your eyes instead dart across the cafeteria to the current object of your affections. There she is sitting at her usual table with her friends, giggling and laughing that adorable laugh you know so well. Jade Harley, you’ve decided ever since you were made lab partners in chemistry, is quite possibly going to be the cause of a lot of your heartaches for a long time, and just watching her smile you sigh lightly, smitten. That is until she starts joking around with fucking Strider. Fuck you hate him, cuz he acts like he’s so much fucking better than you. Okay maybe he actually is, but still…

“Hey, man, you okay?”

It’s Gamzee. He’s stopped attempting to eat and instead is looking straight at you, pretty concerned.

“Don’t worry it’s fine. It’s just don’t you think she looks so beautiful today?” you reply.

“Who?”

“Jade.” You point, trying to remain inconspicuous. Gamzee follows your gaze and looks for a moment. He shrugs. “Just wish she wasn’t always with Strider though,” you grumble.

“Hey,” he says looking back at you again. “Fuck him, man. You all don’t need to be getting your worry on.”

You try to not get your worry on but it doesn’t work. You’ve lost interest in your game and you can’t stop thinking about Jade and how if she had the choice between you and Dave Strider, she’d totally pick Dave because– You slump forward on the table. “Who are we kidding, Gam, we’re such losers.”

“Aw man, don’t be like that.”

“Gamzee. Do you see us? We are the only two at this table. We’re like the only fucking table here with only two of us.”

“Better than sitting all motherfucking alone, though, right?” He cracks his giant dorky smile at you all wide. You sort of curl up your mouth and breathe an air chuckle out of your nose to acknowledge him. That’s totally the sort of thing he would say.

———

You wish gym sucked less. You wish you sucked less at gym. But unfortunately after having your legs in iron braces for most of your middle school years, you never quite got the hang of it ever again (as if you’d ever had the hang of it in the first place). After getting completely pummeled in dodgeball, again, you’re kind of aching for some relief and you know just where to find it.

You aren’t really close enough friends with any of the other guys besides Gamzee to share your little locker room discovery, which is just as good, since whoever the student who knows how many years before you honestly wouldn’t have made such a small peephole into the girls’ changing room to share with everyone else. It has crossed your mind that this may be a little creepy but you always forget that thought because girls. You scan the other room and find Jade in an adorable green bra with white spots and you grin.

“Yo, Gam, check this out.” You feel like you should offer this to Gamzee especially after he got destroyed worse than you in the last game of dodgeball and that’s saying something.

Gamzee’s been staring at what you think is the back of your legs this whole time but is snapped out of it on hearing your voice, and he says in that really mellowed out dazed voice of his, “Nah, s’kay. I’m good.” God he’s so fucking stoned. That’s Gamzee for you.

You laugh and walk back over and sit on the bench next to him, then more seriously you begin, “I think I should ask her.”

“Ask her what?”

“Out. I mean, I gotta before she ends up with Strider am I right? Besides, girls like the more confident type.” You look at Gamzee awaiting a response but he just kind of stares back at you, blinking. You’ll press further. “Like okay, let’s say you like someone and you wanna be with her, it’d just be better to tell them up front right?”

He shifts uncomfortably on the bench and tries to start to say something but stops then starts again. “I mean…” he thinks about it. “No. No I wouldn’t be able to do such a thing.”

“Oh well,” you say, like you expected anything from him at all. “I should ask her anyway.”

“Yeah,” he replies softly. “Tell me how it all motherfuckin goes.”

———  
You spend all of last period chemistry class almost jittery because boy does your lab partner make your heart flutter. She asked you very politely for a pencil at the beginning and when you gave her ones she replied with the sweetest, “Thanks, Tavros,” and you’re sure you can’t mess this up. Eventually the bell rings and everyone begins packing up their books and getting ready to leave. You take a deep breath. This is it.

“Hey Jade?” You try to steady your voice, but your palms are already sweaty. Come on be confident.

“Yeah?” She stops putting her books away and looks you in the eyes. A shiver runs down your spine because _holy shit this is actually happening_.

“I was kinda wondering if, uh, you and me wanted to go somewhere like…” oh shit words are failing you. Come on at least try to act like your self esteem is up to par. “Like on a, like, uh…”

“…Like on a date?” Jade raises an eyebrow. Thank fucking god she finished your sentence before you. You nod like an idiot.

“Yeah! Yeah, exactly like that.”

Jade smiles at you but you can tell it’s not in her eyes cuz they dart to the floor. “Well, uh, that’s very nice of you Tavros but…” _oh no._ “But I’m kind of already seeing someone.”

“Oh,” is all you can say. _Shit_.

“I’m really sorry,” she says and it takes you like a punch in the gut. She gathers her things and walks out of the room leaving you at the lab table by yourself. _Ouch_.

Somehow you bring yourself to collect your things too and somehow you drag yourself out of the classroom. God, you just want to lie down forever right now. Almost immediately as you step out of the door Gamzee latches onto your side and starts rambling.

“Okay Tav, you gotta hear this motherfuckin shit that just happened. So, like, I’m all in, like, math, okay? And someone’s got like a fuckin protractor or some shit, I don’t know but anyway I’m all like–”

You really don’t wanna listen to him right now. You’re in too much of a mental sore spot to care not to mention decipher what he’s actually trying to say. You slump to your locker and he’s still talking and without meaning to, you turn to him harshly. “Gamzee!” you snap. “Just shut up for one second!”

That shuts him up real quick and you can see the sorry in his eyes. Okay maybe that might have been pretty mean, but do you really care right now? You can’t really occupy yourself with him. All you want to is just go home. Like now. You slam your locker closed, grumble out a “bye,” and leave him standing there like Jade left you.

———

You pretend to be sick so your mom will let you stay home from school the next day, and you keep the charade up into the next. It’s just as good cuz like hell do you want to leave your bed. Well at least it could have been worse, but still that thought doesn’t actually motivate you to move. Eventually you play some depressing rounds of Pokemon Showdown and when that fails you try playing Kingdom Hearts for a few more hours but not even Sora’s endless cheerful smile as he flies through Neverland with Donald and Goofy and Peter Pan can bring you out of your mindset that you’re a total loser who will actually never get a girl to touch you.

You decide to ping your friend Aradia and maybe she can help you fix some things out. You roll your eyes, unsurprised, when you open up Pesterchum and see at least a hundred missed messages from terminallyCapricious. Goddamn it, Gamzee, not now. Finding her not online you actually make the effort to climb out of bed and retrieve your phone from your backpack to try texting. “42 messages and 3 missed calls from Gamzee Makara.” Oh my god. You really can’t deal with him right now.

Finally you get a hold of Aradia, who moved to a few towns over a couple years ago but you guys are still pretty close after years and years of role playing together, so occasionally you like to talk things out. You tell her about Jade and how you’re sure you’re going to be lonely forever and how you haven’t left your bed for two days except to get your phone to text her.

“I think you might be overreacting, Tavros. Just because one girl wasn’t into you doesn’t mean no one likes you that way.”

“Everyone’s taken though. I can’t walk through the hall without seeing everyone sucking face every time I turn a corner.”

“You’re exaggerating. This is gonna sound harsh but I’m telling you this so you don’t just hurt yourself more, but you should probably go back to school and just toughen up about it. Everyone gets rejected.”

You think about it and you decide she might be right and you should go back to school but it doesn’t really make you feel much better.

“The right choice!” she tells you. “It’s better to stop being so _jaded_ about your love life.”

“That isn’t funny,” you reply fake angrily.

You can almost hear her laughing on the other end.

———

Upon seeing you back in school Gamzee beams like he just won the goddamn lottery.

“Holy motherfucking shit, bro! I thought you were fucking dead!” He semi-tackles you with a hug and goes back to grinning like an idiot right in your face. “Goddamn I missed you.”

“Yeah. Sorry I didn’t reply to your messages,” you tell him, still not really meaning it cuz you’re still feeling kind of down. And by kind of, you mean nearly distraught.

“Aw, don’t you worry about that shit, man. If a brother isn’t all feeling good he don’t have to be texting me.” It seems a bit strange for him to say that now after he sent you all those messages, but whatever. “Was worried about you, though,” he continues more seriously. “Didn’t have anyone to sit with at lunch was all.”

Oh. Well shit, now you feel like an asshole. “Sorry, man. We can hang out this weekend if you want.”

You didn’t actually think he could smile wider than before but he can and he does so while giving you another excited hug. Man, this guy needs friends more than you do.

———

You feel you owe it to Gamzee to explain to him at lunch what happened with Jade and why you were out for two days and why you’re still not feeling up to doing much. You kind of aren’t really digging the idea of hanging out with him during the weekend but you don’t tell him that. Still you figure he might get the idea with the way you’re acting.

“I’m real fucking sorry about that, bro,” he tells you. “Anything I can up and do to make you feel better?”

“I don’t know,” you sigh, still pretty exasperated.You stare across the cafeteria and see Jade under Strider’s arm leaning on his shoulder, laughing. It makes your blood boil. Gamzee quickly notices what you’re looking at and he tries to console you by putting an awkward hand on your shoulder.

“You wanna, like, split a joint with me or something?” You turn to look at him like that’s the stupidest idea ever. He shrugs. “I mean, that always makes me feel better about shit.”

You’ve never tried pot on account that you’re too much of a goody-goody deep down and you’re secretly afraid you’ll get arrested on your first high, which is a stupid fear because you hang out with Gamzee pretty much every day and he’s…well…

When you think about it, though, it doesn’t really sound like a bad idea. Hell, at this point, you’d probably shoot heroin to get your mind off the sad lonely sack that is your life. “Sure,” you say. “Fine we’ll take weed together or whatever the word for that is. I don’t care.”

Gamzee raises his eyebrows. “I didn’t fucking think you’d say yes.” His surprised face turns into another excited smile and you can see him getting kind of giddy. Maybe this was a bad idea. “So my house?”

“Well it’s not like we can at mine,” you say, dryly.

“Okay, alright, alright, yeah, okay,” he mutters. “I’ll meet you at your locker after school, okay?”

———

You’ve been to Gamzee’s house a couple of times before, but only a couple cuz it’s kind of a ways away. You’ve never been sure how a guy like him manages to commute so far on two buses and still be able to get his pot fix in the morning right before classes. But anyway the bus rides are alright and they actually make you feel a little better since Gamzee acts like nothing’s wrong and you two are sharing headphones and bobbing your heads to your Eminem playlist. When you get to his house, its unsurprisingly empty and you watch him fumble with his keys to try to open the complicated locks on the front door. His family life is really fucked up and you aren’t sure how he manages to take care of himself ever since his dad went on that “trip” with his fourth stepmom two years ago that you don’t believe you’ve ever heard Gamzee say he’s come back from yet.

“Heeeeere we go.” He pushes open the door and you two step inside. Half of the house is still covered in plastic and sawdust from some abandoned renovations apparently courtesy of stepmom number three. “Alright, you been here so shit hasn’t changed much and you still can’t go into that half of the house.” You follow him upstairs to his room without saying much.

“Hold on.” He goes into one of his dresser drawers and pulls out a Ziploc baggie full of herbs then tosses it to you. Then he come back with a lighter and rolling papers you presume also came out of his dresser drawers. You kind of just stare at him cuz you’ve never done this before and you actually have no idea what to do. Eventually you realize he needs the bag so you awkwardly hand it over to him and he sits down on his bed and starts getting the papers ready.

“Do you wanna all share one or do you want your own?” You have no fucking idea what he’s talking about so you just blurt out that you’ll have one of your own. “Aw yeeeah, brother, that’s what I’m motherfucking talking about.” He grins at you and rolls two separate joints then hands one to you. As he brings his to his lips and lights it, you’re not really sure what you’re supposed to do with yours, but all of a sudden, he’s up really close to you, holding his joint in one hand and the lighter in his other. “I got you man,” he says gesturing for you to put the goddamn thing in your mouth and you oblige, feeling kind of stupid as he lights yours for you.

At first you start coughing and you don’t really get the hang of it until Gamzee helps you stop doing it wrong and after a little bit it starts to take you and soon it starts to feel like you’re not really in control of your mind. Everything is suddenly really funny and you start kind of generally laughing at things because holy fuck you’re high. Seeing you laugh makes Gamzee laugh and then in between laughs he accidentally snorts really loudly and that makes you both just fucking lose it and somehow you both end up on the floor just rolling almost crying with laughter.

As soon as you think the laughing has subsided you go back to puffing and smiling idiotically. Gamzee’s moved himself and now he’s lying on his back with his head in your lap occasionally blowing smoke at your face making you both giggle.

“This is fucking beautiful, man,” he breathes, eyelids really low.

You laugh again. “This is so great, I feel a lot better, thanks.” You take another hit. “Fuck Jade,” you blurt out.

“Yeah what the fuck’s her fucking problem? She don’t know what she’s missing.”

“All of them are missing out,” you slur.

“Must be messed up in the head then,” Gamzee takes another puff. “Cuz man I would so fuckin be your girlfriend.”

You laugh really hard. “You mean if you were a chick?”

“Aw man, I would do it, like, now.” He rolls over onto his stomach supporting himself up with his free hand then blows some more smoke into your face. You giggle and try to blow it out of your face and shake it off. Once it clears you can see Gamzee’s face staring directly into your eyes. “I’m not kidding. I’ll ride your dick right the fuck now if you want.” Holy shit. If you were sober right now you have no goddamn idea how you would take such a statement like that. But you aren’t so you just move up real close in his face after taking a hit to try and blow smoke back at him and say, fake sexy like, “oh?”

Gamzee flutters his eyelashes in response to the smoke and then drawls out, “Fuck yeah.” You feel something move on the inside of your thigh and notice that it’s his hand. He doesn’t take his eyes off you.

“You wanna be my girlfriend tonight?” Seriously you must be so blazed out of your fucking mind. Would you ever say anything like this ever? But then Gamzee nods and you don’t know what the fuck you’re doing so you say something stupid like, “Okay then. Put out that joint and let me see your tits.”

Gamzee shuffles around as you take a couple more hits but then all of a sudden he’s back in your lap sitting up, his joint is gone and he’s lifting off his shirt. You watch him, almost mesmerized because holy wow that baggy shirt hides a lot. He’s a lot thinner and smaller than you thought and now he’s draping his arms around your neck. You put down your joint to give you some free hands and you place them on the sides of his chest and begin rubbing his nipples with your thumbs. His breath catches but he doesn’t look away from you. Eventually your hands start traveling down the rest of him. He has a surprisingly nice curve to him and you stop at his hips. He moves his head closer to yours.

“Been wanting this for a real motherfucking long time,” he breathes at you, staring at your lips now. You’re too far gone to really even comprehend that statement so you just say, “Really?” and you lean your head in closer to his.

“Yeah.” And then he kisses you, gentle, yet still deep, and since you actually don’t know what the fuck you’re doing you kiss back and lean more forward until you’re basically lying on top of him on the floor. You break the kiss to breathe but he just pulls you back in again and its getting kind of passionate. His hands have moved off of your neck and are now hitching themselves under your shirt pulling it upwards.

Before you know it, your shirt is gone and you’re making out with your best friend, your hands sliding up and down his sides. You really like the way his body makes that little curve. It fits so nicely in your hands. Speaking of hands his have been wandering but are getting progressively lower and starting to encircle the top of your pants.

He breaks the kiss. “You gonna give me your dick?” His hand brushes over the bulge in your pants. Wow, you don’t actually remember getting hard but you are now and god those hips are so tempting you feel like you need to see him with the rest of his clothes gone.

“Bed?” is all you can say, but you don’t even wait for an answer because you pull him up and then sort of try to lift him. You’re not really that strong so you don’t know where that idea came from but holy shit _he’s really light_. He seems so much smaller than you know him to be. You get him up on the bed and then climb in on top of him.

“Please,” is all he says and his voice sounds so needy. You kiss him on his lower stomach gently and begin to unzip your pants.


	2. Chapter 2

It smells like weed. A whole fucking lot of weed. It’s kind of been bugging you just tingling your nose for the last however long and even though the rest of you feels pretty awake your eyes don’t really want to open up. Oh well, it stinks in here you should probably…

That isn’t your ceiling. This is not your bed. What the- where the fuck are you?

Suddenly you feel something nudge you and you look down and it’s Gamzee Makara, all curled up fast asleep against you. You realize one of his legs is on top of yours and one of your arms is around him. Quickly you lift it off of him and pull it against yourself and you try to shimmy his leg off you. Fortunately he doesn’t wake up.

Okay so you know you’re at Gamzee’s house cuz there he is and there are…your clothes…on the floor and…

_Oh my god._

“Oh my god,” you whisper. You stare at your clothes on the floor then look back to Gamzee, then back to your clothes then back to Gamzee. You try to piece together the events of last night.

So you were high as balls with Gamzee and he was making up some shit about wanting to be your girlfriend and you were going along with it and that lead to kissing and taking off shirts and then pants came off and…

You can feel the blood rush to your head and you put your face into your hands in shame. You remember pulling his pants off and just seeing him there lying helplessly, fluttering his eyelashes like he was willing to let you do fucking anything to him. You remember the way he was getting all breathless the way girls do in pornos and you remember how smooth and curvy his body felt under your hands and under your lips. You remember how he spread his legs for you and how he begged you to just fucking take him already, and you remember the way his face was suddenly the most gorgeous thing ever when you went inside. He was so tight…so fucking sexy.

Oh my god. You just lost your virginity to Gamzee fucking Makara. That was never in your life plans. Ever. This is bad cuz like now he’s all curled up next to you asleep and you don’t know what you’re gonna tell him when he wakes up because…because…girls. Girls. You like girls, right? You’ve always liked girls. You’ve never once, not liked girls but now you just went and…Gamzee is…he isn’t…but he’s really…

You can’t handle this anymore. You need to get out of here. You need to get home.

You jolt yourself out of the bed and almost dive for your clothes. As you scramble to get your boxers on, you hear Gamzee groan a little bit. You can’t get your pants on fast enough.

“Mmm what time is it?” he mumbles sitting up, eyes not really open. His hair is sticking out in all different directions and he’s still shirtless and you can see the way he’s all tiny again and you need to get out of here. You can’t just stay and gawk at Gamzee. You grab your shirt and throw it on. It’s probably inside out but you don’t care, you just can’t stay here anymore.

You’re kind of hobbling to the door cuz you haven’t closed your pants yet when you hear, “Whoa, Tav?” _Shit shit shit._

You blush and sheepishly yet kind of horrified turn over your shoulder to look at him. He’s sitting up and he’s blushing a lot more than you are and his eyes are wide and sort of…scared. You don’t know what to do except say…

“I am so so sorry, Gamzee.” And you start to leave the room feeling really shitty and really confused.

“You want me to take you to the bus stop?” you hear him call out. It’s weird to hear him like this because he sounds really sort of forlorn almost. You feel awful and you don’t want to face him, but you also do kind of need him to show you where the bus stop is so you turn back around.

“Yeah, that, uh, that’d be nice thanks.”

He nods not looking you in the eyes. “Let me just, uhh…” He pushes himself out of the bed and you know you shouldn’t stare but he’s butt naked and he’s got such a nice shape. As he starts collecting his clothes you notice him wince when he tries to take steps. Oh my god, you can’t watch this. You just stand in the doorway looking at nothing trying not to think about him until he’s ready and he walks out the door in front of you.

The two of you walk to the bus stop in absolute silence. You can’t look at him cuz when you do, you’re not going to be able to unsee his tiny figure underneath those clothes. He’s also kind of walking a little funny and that almost puts you in pain to see.

By the time you get on the bus you and he haven’t said a word for a long time and you’re trying to forget but your eyes flicker out your window to see him tightly hugging himself. From the way his face looks he could be crying.

———

You try to occupy the rest of your weekend playing video games but your mind keeps drifting back to Gamzee and your night together. Every time you dwell on the subject, though, you feel your face get really hot because you know you shouldn’t have liked it but you really kind of did. And the way he looked at you while it was happening was just so real and maybe he actually did mean it when he said he wanted that for a long time. No matter what, you feel just awful about the whole thing because what can you do?

You can take it no longer and grab your phone to text Aradia.

“Hey. Okay, so, uh, I have something really private to share with you and you can’t tell anyone about this.”

She texts back relatively quickly. “Lips sealed. What’s the juice?”

You breathe in nervously. You’re so thankful you aren’t actually having to spill this out loud. “You know Gamzee?”

“Makara?”

“Yeah. Well so, uh, since you moved and I stopped hanging out with Vriska and her friends I’ve been kind of hanging out with him a lot more. And well, so I went back to school like you told me to, but, I was stupid and not listening to what you said and getting over it and well, Gamzee sort of, uh, noticed I was feeling like pretty much shit still, so…” You’re trying to figure out how you’re going to say this.

“Tavros, where is this story going?”

“I’m getting there, hold on. So he offered to share his weed cuz he couldn’t come up with anything else I think but I told him yes because I’m an idiot.”

“Oh my god! Tavros, are you saying you got high for the first time?”

“Yeah that’s basically what I’m saying but…” your fingers sort of tremble as you type. “There’s more.”

“Oh?”

“While we were high I sort of, uhh, kind of, uh,,, well, uh,” you’re afraid to spit this out even over text, what is wrong with you. Just be confident and say it.

“Fucked him,” you finish. You stare at the message as it sends and the “Aradia is typing” seems to go on for years.

“Holy shit,” is the long awaited response.

“Please don’t tell anyone.”

“Wait, so are you telling me that you accidentally did Gamzee Makara?”

“Yes but I’m also telling you not to tell anyone.”

“Secret’s safe with me, but holy shit! Details! Details!”

“Y-you want details?”

“Mmmhm. I need to know who was on top and to what extent this went and how much you remember.”

Maybe you shouldn’t have told this to her, but you oblige and you give her only as many details as she specifically asks for, but she keeps asking, apparently determined to get the whole story out of you.

“Oh my god, this is amazing,” she says. “So now what?”

“I don’t know now what, I haven’t seen or talked to him since.”

“If you had to choose would you do it again?”

“Would I? Uhh…” You know the answer is yes but you don’t want to say it, but you’ve already given her this much information so, “yeah, I guess so.”

“Please please please talk to him about it and then tell me everything. I have to go now, though.”

You tell her goodbye and look back at your phone and consider messaging Gamzee, opening up his texts. He hasn’t made any attempt to contact you in the last few days, which is strange, but he’s probably feeling just as uncomfortable as you are. You should probably break the ice. Before you can type in anything you notice that you haven’t read all his texts from earlier in the week. You start skimming them.

“YoOoOo Tav motherfucker where yOu at?”

“You up and feelin okay and shit? Cuz like it would mad suck if you were feeling down.”

“I feel fuckin sad when you’re sad.”

The messages generally have that same theme and you find yourself scrolling through the rest of his texts from before that. Now that he told you about how he wanted that night for a long time, you can’t help but start to read all his messages with that thought in mind. Holy shit are you an asshole. All that time you were talking about your heartbreaks in non-existent relationships when really, the whole time it was his heart you were playing with.

With that in mind, you recall how you thought you saw him crying when you left him at the bus stop. You decide he deserves to have you talk this out with him in person.

———

You don't see him until lunchtime at school on Monday. He’s not at your usual table and is wearing a big bulky hoodie with the hood up like he's been purposely trying to avoid you. Clearly he forgot his lunch again too cuz he's just sitting there leaning over the table with his arms over his head. You would've completely missed him if he wasn't completely tactless and you hadn't seen that hoodie a thousand times before.

Taking a deep breath you go up to sit across from him. He doesn't lift his head and you're not sure he notices you're there so you inhale deeply again and get ready for this.

"Hey Gam?" You know he heard you but he doesn't move. This'll be rough. "I think we should, uh, talk about the other night."

He lifts his head up slightly. His eyes have really large bags under them and they don't have much of the red hue anymore. It hits you now that you don't notice his usual smell of weed as much so he might actually be sober today. “There’s shit to be talking about it?”

“Well, for, uh, for starters, are you okay?” You know its a stupid question, but you should ask.

“Mm fine,” he mumbles sheepishly. Then suddenly, “I’m really sorry, Tav.” He’s sitting up more but he’s still looking at the table.

“Wait why are you sorry?”

“Because,” and you can see he’s blushing furiously and trying to mask erratic breathing, “I…I shouldn’t have fucking said anything.” He crumples up back into the position you found him in with his head down. “S’okay to hate me now…”

Oh shit, maybe you shouldn’t have waited this long to talk to him about it if he’s been like this. “Gamzee, why…why would I hate you for this? It’s not like I didn’t like it or anything.”

That gets his head lifted up and now he actually looks at you, disbelieving. You don’t know what to say because he isn’t saying anything back. Finally he looks away and says, “My brother laughed when I told him…about me. He said that Dad probably knew and that’s why he hasn’t come back yet.” If there’s anything Gamzee doesn’t talk about, it’s his dad’s not being there. He has mentioned to you his older half brother who is an adult and sometimes goes to the parent events with him, but god. Why doesn’t he tell you about this kind of stuff? If he did you’d probably have shut up about your stupid problems. “So I’d understand if you hate me,” he finishes.

“I don’t hate you, Gamzee,” you say as assertively as you can to get it through to him. “I, uh, actually, think you’re kind of beautiful.” That jolts him a little and you’ve never seen him like this but he suddenly gets really flustered and he tries to look at you but can’t because you can see his blush spreading. He’s trying to say something but can’t actually get it out and you start to become aware that you’re staring because he’s kind of cute when he does that. You realize you’re smiling, too. “If you want, I mean, I wouldn’t actually mind…doing it again.”

He blushes so hard his hands fly up to his face and clamp over his mouth so hard his hood falls off his head. “Seriously, man?” he says through his fingers. You can’t help but laugh and nod. “Oh my god.” He smashes his face down on the table again and you feel yourself smiling really wide because wow, you’ve only dreamed this was how someone would respond to you.

You lightly pull one of his arms off his face and bring it across the table, then put your hand in his. He brings his head up again, his other hand still covering half his face. He’s blinking really forcefully and is trying to calm himself down but he’s still blushing for miles. “I just didn’t ever fucking think this was all gonna happen,” he squeaks.

_Oh my god why is he adorable what is this?_ “You gotta let me know, though,” you start, jokingly, “if you have any other secrets as sexy as the fact that you look like _that_ under those baggy clothes.”

You laugh not expecting an answer and he tries to cover his face more with his hand. “I…” he begins, blushing even harder than you thought possible, “I don’t…I don’t have a gag reflex.”

You stop laughing and your eyebrows go up.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm a real sucker for these cheesy high school AU's.  
> I've had this idea stuck in my mind for over a year now and kinda hoped someone would write it but no one's a mind reader so I sucked it up and wrote it myself. I have 1000 extremely specific human Gamzee headcanons so quite a few of them are laced in here.


End file.
